The Absurdity of Husband-Snatching [Revised Edition 2014] - Roast Corn & Ube
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The Absurdity of Husband-Snatching [Revised Edition 2014]

I snatched Nkiru’s husband,

He was not tied very tight;

I flew him to my homeland

Perched on a very great height.

He didn’t even squirm,

He didn’t even shout,

He leaned back and enjoyed the ride;

The great, stupid lout!

When at first Nkechi snatched him,

He gave a sickening grin.

Then Tobi came and did the same

He chuckled; the imbecile!

I don’t know why we bothered,

He tasted rather vile;

We should have snatched Emeka instead

At least he made us smile!

We came back for seconds,

To see if Emeka was there.

The silly boy man had taken flight

We searched everywhere.

I called up Temitope

And asked if she could help

She said she had snatched Emeka for herself

He was easy; a willing whelp.

We didn’t find her funny,

But there was not much we could do.

She said Emeka gives in easily

To every caw and coo.

I suggested Victor

Nkechi said, “Let’s try.”

But Temitope said she was bored.

That snatching had become too dry.

We tried to waylay Victor,

We tried really hard

But Victor was as tough as nails

And always on his guard.

He laughed at our feeble efforts;

He chortled at our vain attempts.

“You cannot snatch me, sorry girls,

I’m glued to my wife with cement!”

So here’s the moral of our story

For those who curse and swear,

Except a husband wants to be ‘snatched’

Your efforts are in vain, my dear!

16 Comments
  • Adaeze
    Posted at 10:31h, 28 December Reply

    And she’s back! Was gonna send an email yesterday sef, wetin happen? Don’t tell me you were busy o. You have to do serious penance for denying us of your fabulous posts.
    I love the poem, it’s so true, so funny and absolutely on point.
    I’ve missed you…. Plenty, plenty

    • Obisco1
      Posted at 11:01h, 28 December Reply

      My dearest,
      I was just in a dark place…the light is slowly seeping in and lifting me out. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.
      Missed you too.

      • Adaeze
        Posted at 11:20h, 28 December Reply

        Sending you giant e-hugs

        • Obisco1
          Posted at 11:24h, 28 December Reply

          Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

  • Kambili M.A Chimalu
    Posted at 03:57h, 29 December Reply

    Love! love!! love!!! How many times can I say that? infinity plus 1? 😉
    I have always maintained that no woman ever snatches a man. In fact, I find the idea of “man snatching” insulting.

    • Obisco1
      Posted at 11:27h, 29 December Reply

      But it is insulting! It suggests that the man is gormless worm, incapable of thought, speech or action; that he is commodity on the shelf of Boxing day sales, at the mercy of avaricious women who have nothing better to do than snatching things off shelves!

  • Kachi
    Posted at 14:26h, 29 December Reply

    Hay!!!!!! Welcome Back!!!! At some point I thought I mistakenly unsubscribed and was manually checking. Hope all is well?

    I’m sorry I didn’t bother reading. I honestly don’t like poems, so I skipped. sorry. Really glad that you are back. Merry Christmas in arrears. 😀

    • Obisco1
      Posted at 10:04h, 30 December Reply

      Kachi, Kachi, Kachi!
      How many times did I call you???
      How can you not like poems ehn kwa???
      Go back and read it or face the wall! 🙂

      On a more serious note, thanks for the welcome. I was just in a dark place, like I told Adaezenwa…light is only just seeping in.
      I do want you to read this one though; it’s a silly one…no analysis, nothing. Just try.
      I’ve missed your refreshing honesty…Merry Christmas to you too!

  • Ego
    Posted at 10:37h, 30 December Reply

    Excellent! This poem needs to be read by a lot of Nigerian women that insist on vilifying their fellow women.

    • Obisco1
      Posted at 11:07h, 30 December Reply

      Okwia!
      As if the man is a robot controlled by a big husband-snatching red, remote control!!!

  • hrh7
    Posted at 15:31h, 02 January Reply

    Happy 2015.
    Welcome back!

    • Obisco1
      Posted at 09:46h, 03 January Reply

      Thanks my dear. Happy 2015!

  • victory
    Posted at 02:36h, 03 January Reply

    funny poem…e go well!!!

    • Obisco1
      Posted at 09:47h, 03 January Reply

      Thanks for visiting and commenting, Victor. Much appreciated.

      • victory
        Posted at 15:21h, 03 January Reply

        UWC…i feel honored being the centrePiece of the lesson…lol!!!

        “We tried to waylay *Victor*
        We tried really hard
        But Victor was as tough as nails
        And always on his guard.”

        • Obisco1
          Posted at 10:40h, 04 January Reply

          Apologies for the late response. Your comment was marked as spam.

          So you are Victor??? Hmm…you are the centre piece indeed! 🙂

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